Wednesday, December 28, 2005

2005 Quotables: America's Next Top Model Edition

"Did you ever see a really pretty, like, flower or something and you just want to step on it?"
-- Cassandra

"My goal is for my name to become a household word."
-- Bre, apparently unaware her name already is kind of a household word, at least in cheese-loving households

"One down, eleven to go! ... Second base is ready!"
-- Kim, the coolest contestant in ANTM history (and a lesbian), after Sarah surprised the others by kissing her in the limo

"You know how sociopaths don't feel emotion and that's why they can kill people without ever, like, feeling bad about it? Only I never killed anybody."
-- Cassandra, who's still young

"I went from working in a boutique to actually sleeping in one!"
-- Bre, apparently unaware this is kind of a step down

"So I walked up to Kim and I poked her in the stomach, I was like, you need to suck in your stomach. She was like, 'What, are you calling me fat?' I, like, gave her this look, I was like, 'Are you crazy?'"
-- Jayla, who is

"If I wouldn't get eliminated for killing somebody, I might just take that step."
-- Kim

"I love Cousin Itt. I feel like me and Cousin Itt are almost the same... What's the secret? No, it's cool, man, you don't have to tell me."
-- Loony, sloppy drunk Lisa, talking about and to a plant by the pool

"God gives us our first instincts. Don't go against it."

-- Bre, confidentially, when Cassandra sought her advice about whether to
leave the competition rather than let them cut her hair one inch

"Cassandra came into this competition knowing that there's a great chance that they were gonna cut her hair. She had a choice. Cassandra chose to say no."
-- Bre, in "whattaya gonna do" mode, after Cassandra made her insane decision to
leave the competition rather than let them cut her hair one inch. (By the way, they had already cut off, like, two feet of hair.)

"I did what I think was right in the long run, and that includes not letting people try and change the way I am."
-- Cassandra, assuring that her personal integrity would remain intact

"I'm going home, I'm gonna go back to Texas, and I'm gonna get some hair extensions, and hopefully you'll see me as a future Miss U.S.A."
-- Cassandra, assuring that her career will involve dancing around a pole

"If anyone should understand a difference of gender expression, she should be the one. I mean, are you kidding?"
-- Kim on Miss Jaye, who manages to be a grotesque stereotype of at least four different groups, after he/she criticized Kim for not being able to adopt a feminine walk

"Why am I still here?"
-- Bre, saying what the audience was thinking

"The contestants of America's Next Top Model, Cycle 5"
-- Tyra Banks, persisting in referring to these women by the name of a dog food

--Unidentified male voice during the opening theme, as some of the contestants' pictures appear


peeky said...

"Did you ever see a really pretty, like, flower or something and you just want to step on it?"
-- Cassandra
yes! or even, like, a Cassandra!

Michael Markowitz said...

Cassandra needed to be hit in the face with a socket wrench.

And Kim wuz robbed. Bre didn't belong there at all.

Lizze said...

I can watch this high-quality-substance TV in the UK - thanks to bit torrent AND I get no ads (BTW: 42 min of 60 min is the actual TV show).
But I only saw the last 3 episodes and missed most of these great TV moments. But I saw the airheads being in London, which was an added bonus.

Michael Markowitz said...

Lizze, it may be worth going back and torrenting the earlier episodes. It's a rule of reality TV, especially reality ANTM: the more women in the house, the more trouble there'll be, therefore the more fun there'll be.

As for sending the airheads to London, we apologize, but consider it revenge for Christopher Hitchens.