Tuesday, January 24, 2006

The Bachelor Dodged a Bullet

Check out this photo timeline from last week's The Bachelor, as Yvonne becomes aware that she will not be getting a rose. Oily desperation is such a beautiful thing. Perhaps she lost points in The Bachelor's mind for her startling resemblance to Bronco Nagurski.

By the way, according to her bio on the ABC website -- and I swear to God I am not making this up -- her perfect date would be "being with someone who did nothing to annoy me."

By the way, fellas... She's single!


peeky said...

There's definitely something Leona Helmsley about Yvonne. I can't watch this show for some reason; the earnestness is embarrassing. Which isn't to say that I can't watch other horribleness. Have you ever caught any of the Flava Flav (sic) version on VH-1? Try it for 17 seconds and see if you spontaneously combust.

Ellen said...


Peeky, I was just going to post the same Leona observation.

I've never watched The Bachelor. After being burned by Average Joe and Big Brother, I keep my doses of "reality" (but scripted) tv to a bare minimum.

I passed by the tv as my daughter was watching a few secs of that Flava Flav debacle.

I don't what's worse. That show or watching a shirtless Jeff Conaway freak out on Celebrity Fit Club.

Check, please!

Michael Markowitz said...

She is TOTALLY Leona! Good call, both of you!

The Bachelor gets less entertaining as it goes on, as the psychos depart... I'll probably tune out in a couple of weeks.

I am the only person in the world who has never missed a single episode of Big Brother. AND I watch the feeds! I'm a sick man.

I've never seen Flav or Fit Club, but The Soup keeps me up to date... As for Jeff Conaway, he's been kicked off Fit Club... Yes, it is possible to be too weird for a VH-1 reality show apparently. I guess claiming to have slit your wrists at the age of three stretches credibility.

Anyway, he's been replaced by one of the Nelson twins, who appears to have about ten pounds to lose.

Ellen said...

It should scare me that I know even this much about (what VH-1 nauseatingly calls) "celebreality" tv.

I was totally hooked on Big Brother for the first few years. The last time I watched was the 2001 debacle, when they were withholding the news of 9-11 from the "houseguests". And yes, I watched the feeds too.

I even got friendly with a well-known screenwriter who was into BB and we had a great email friendship for a while.

Now it seems the recent BB "casts" are all young, pretty/hunky, airheads who I wouldn't want to even share an elevator ride with.

And don't get me started on Mrs. Moonves.

Michael Markowitz said...

The last BB was, far and away, the best one ever.

Ellen said...

Seriously? The last BB was THAT good?

What could be better than evil Dr. Will, Bunky, Hardy, Mike "Boogie" (gag), Shannon, Chicken George and the rest of those motley crews.

Oh I did watch a bit of the season where that woman Jun won and that creepy Allison was runner-up.

Now that I know that reality TV is anything but, I haven't watched much of it.

My tactic is, watch the first and last episodes of the shows I may be sort of interested in. They recap so much, you can get the gist. Or if you need to know what's going on there's always TWOP.

peeky said...

I watched part of the last season (I think--did it have the crazy blonde waitress on it?) I liked it but never caught on to the lingo/rules. People kept saying things like, "if he's not careful, he's going to lose his immunity in the second coronation at the next house boondoggle!" and I didn't have a clue what anyone was talking about. I do enjoy the petty politics.

Michael Markowitz said...

Ellen, the Jun/Allison season was, IMHO, the worst ever. And I thought the Will/Bunky, etc couldn't be beat either.

But last season was EXTRAORDINARY. The house immediately divided itself into, literally, good vs. evil.

And the evil side was (I'm not kidding you) a firefighter, an ER nurse, a cosmetics rep...

While the good side included a male stripper, that blonde cocktail waitress peeky mentioned, and an Iraqi! The Iraqi and the blonde turned out to be two of the most beloved contestants in BB history. And she was a BRILLIANT player. The whole thing defied expectations.

All the while, the evil side thought THEY were the good side, and cloaked everything they did in moral righteousness. While America saw that they were two-faced and evil. So they never understood why every time America got to vote for a reward for one side or the other it would go, like, 85% to the other side.

One of the evil women, whose dream when she got out of the house was to land a deal doing ads for K-Mart, got so angry when they lost one of those that she exploded, "Well, if America can't see that we're better people than they are, then America is just fucking pieces of shit!"

Good luck with that K-Mart deal!

This same woman, a Mary Kay rep from Texas, had, like six different cosmetic procedures, including giant fake boobs. And she would CONSTANTLY mock and criticize the blonde cocktail waitress for having had implants! She once said, "She's so sad... She does it for vanity, whereas I do it just to look better."

And the game was so exciting, and they kept trying to get the waitress out of the game, and she kept outsmarting and outplaying them. It was amazing.

Michael Markowitz said...

Ellen, I think you do paint reality TV with too broad a brush. First of all, I don't think it's fair to say that any reality TV is "scripted."

Almost all of it is, shall we say, "massaged" in editing, but to varying degrees. So are documentaries. So is the news.

And the shows that interfere with the participants themselves, like Meet My Folks... or who manufacture incidents in the editing room, like Joe Millionaire, are on the one hand.

But then there are shows like BB, which may edit creatively, but (famously) don't interfere with the participants at all.

And shows like The Amazing Race, which try to be as meticulous as possible (while still being entertaining) in both areas, and disclose whenever it was necessary to interfere with the game for technical reasons (unlike Survivor)

But the fact remains, you can watch the beginning and the end of ANYTHING and get the gist of it, whether it's reality or not. You can watch the first episode and the last episode of Roots or QBVII and have someone fill you in what went in between, but why would you do that? You miss all the fun!

And I'm including the fun of TWOP, which is SO MUCH funnier if you know what they're referring to. I laugh so hard when I read those recaps, because I know how they got it just right.

Ellen said...

I guess I shouldn't have assumed that all of the reality shows are scripted. I realize they have to be creative in the editing because otherwise the shows would be as interesting as waiting on line at Ralphs.

When I learned that some shows actually had the on-camera confessionals written, I felt cheated. Guess I was a little naive.

And of course, you do miss the fun of all of the stuff in-between, if you only watch the first and last eps, but I just don't have the time to watch everything.

BTW, I love that I can mention TWOP and knew you knew what it was!

So many of my friends never heard of that site or IMDB or Rotten Tomatoes.

gina said...

peeky, I don't watch BB, but this:

"if he's not careful, he's going to lose his immunity in the second coronation at the next house boondoggle!"

Made me LOL.

Michael Markowitz said...

Don't laugh, house boondoggle is always the toughest competition in the second coronation. That's when they oil up Julie Chen and first one who catches her gets immunity.

The contestants usually end up covered in body glitter.

Ellen said...

Wow, looks like I've missed a lot by not keeping up with BB.

Do they still have HoH and that lazy susan with the keys?

I always thought boondoggle was that lanyard we made in camp:

I got a lot of catching up to do.

Michael Markowitz said...

By the way, Ellen, of course I know what TWOP is... It's always been one of the links on the front page of the blog