Thursday, January 26, 2006

Oprah Says We're All Going To Die

A friend of mine was in a panic because Oprah did a show apparently claiming we're overdue for a pandemic. Oprah and her gallons of hair product were visibly upset because of bird flu. It's coming, and it's coming for us. And there's nothing we can do about it, except stock up on canned goods and bottled water.

Didn't Oprah tell us Mad Cow was going to kill us all? Didn't she tell us SARS was going to kill us all? (Isn't that why I bought all those Peter Sarsgaard SARS Guards?) What's gonna kill us all is Oprah causing panics every three years.

2 comments:

Ellen said...

Well if that's true, then as Amy Fisher once said, "I deserve a Ferrari for all of my pain and suffering."

So whaddya say, O?

Michael Markowitz said...

I believe what Oprah would say is, "YOU GET A FERRARI! AND YOU GET A FERRARI! AND YOU GET A FERRARI! AND YOU GET A FERRARI!! AND YOU GET A FERRARI!! EVERYBODY GETS A FERRARI!!!"