Thursday, March 09, 2006

I'm Getting a Not-So-Safe Feeling

Let's say you're a security guard at an office building. And you report to your superiors an envelope full of a suspicious white powder.


So now let's say that you watch in horror as, instead of any of the responsible things they could do, they walk the envelope to a room next to the boss's office, open a window, and shake the powder out into the street.

Now let's say your office is the Department of Homeland Security, and the boss is Michael Chertoff.

Because that's what several guards at DHS say their superiors did. And some Senators are shitting bricks. As am I.

DHS spokesman Brian Doyle, who shall remain soulless, says there was never anything to worry about because all mail coming into the building is irradiated to kill anthrax. Oh, then you know what, douchebag? Shake it inside the building. Or shove it inside your own asshole. You seem very free and easy with the lives of passers-by, Brian.

I say we put Barry Bonds, George W. Bush, Bill O'Reilly, Brent Bozell, Brian Doyle and Michael Chertoff in a tiny airless room and tell them the key to the door is inside one of their legs. Then we watch them rip and nibble at each other's skin until they bleed to death or suffocate. Whichever. I'm good either way.

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