Sunday, May 07, 2006

Why Does David Blaine Get TV Deals?

He appears to be doing the least telegenic thing I've ever seen, yet he is getting oodles of TV coverage, because he is doing it in New York. It's not a trick, and it's not interesting. But it's in Manhattan. So it's news. And next week, I guess it'll be a TV special.

It's the dullest thing I've seen since someone hung orange curtains in Central Park and the media went apeshit. Because it was in New York. Orange curtains in Moab, Utah? Not so newsy.

Los Angeles could burn to the ground, and it would barely get mentioned if Cindy Adams were to simultaneously say something... and I don't even know who that is! I only know she had a feud with Emeril and she has a dog. Why do I know this about a woman I have never heard of? Because she's from New York!

Anyway, back to David Blaine and the City That Never Sleeps... because there's always something tedious to gape at and point cameras at. Like an idiot in a ball of water.

Once, when I was at the Magic Castle, a close-up magician sat at a table with me and produced coins, cards, and birds out of his empty hands with his sleeves rolled up. He was sitting next to me. My eyes were on his hands, three feet away, the entire time. THAT guy should get a TV special.

And recently, David Copperfield was mugged on the street. He showed the guy his pockets were empty... and the mugger went away! In fact, Coppy's pockets were loaded with money, jewelry, cell phones, silks knotted together, and god knows what else. This is the greatest trick that rabbit-puller has done since he convinced Claudia Schiffer he was spongeworthy. I say give him a TV special! Another Statue of Liberty thing. Maybe magic crimestopping tips. Or magic supermodel-nailing tips.

But this yutz? In a snow globe? With scuba gear? Nah.

6 comments:

norm said...

Two hours to watch a guy hold his breath for nine minutes?

Michael Markowitz said...

Plus you know there's a good chance it's a trick, so it's not even watching him hold his breath. It's watching him PRETEND to hold his breath for nine minutes.

I think it was Jerry Seinfeld who said all of magic could be boiled down to, "One, two, three, you're all assholes! One, two, three, you're all assholes!"

(By the way, you'll notice I made a piece of magic-related spam DISAPPEAR!)

Sean Tisdall said...

And then he fails to do so. Really this kind of 'magic' could be performed by 2 fratboys on a dare:

"Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville and this is magic."

Michael Markowitz said...

At the very least he could have put some breakable ampules of oxygen in his cheeks or esophagus. That's what Houdini would have done. Sorta like what Michael Keaton did in Desperate Measures.

I just can't believe thirteen million people chose to watch that over 24 or the Apprentice!

norm said...

I had less than Zero interest in this stunt and even so, I saw more coverage of it than I saw of Rumsfeld's grilling.
Did you see the frantic ads Good Morning America ran?
They made it sound as if Blaine hovered between life and death...and like we should all be gathered around our TVs, with our loved ones, holding hands and praying for this brave man to beat the odds and pull through.

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