Sunday, July 02, 2006

New Should've Asked Me Feature: Guest Movie Reviews

SUPERMAN RETURNS
reviewed by
VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY

"Didn't see it. Didn't seem like my kind of movie. Commercials showed a lot of Metropolans cutting and running. Should have greeted Superman as a liberator. He can stand down when they learn to stand up for themselves against Luthor. Besides, Superman can't get the job done with the Daily Planet digging around, exposing his secret identity. Just a disgrace. Haven't seen a movie in years. No, wait. Check that. Saw Titanic. Hated it. Bunch of cut-and-runners. 'Ship's going down. Mother! Mother!' Far as I could see, all the science wasn't in on that yet, and there they were, jumping into lifeboats. Should've stayed the course. You'll know the ship is sinking when there's water in your nose, that's what I say. Last movie I liked was Red Dawn. That Patrick Swayze, he's a good-looking man. Not like in gay. Like in, we should go hunting some time. Goddammit, who do you have to fuck to get an Eskimo Pie around here?!"

1 comment:

Sean Tisdall said...

That's just so Supernews. I love it!