Thursday, August 17, 2006

Clownface (Phyllis) Dillah and the Heartbreak of Big Brother

I have come to the conclusion that Laura on Project Runway is absolutely incapable of making a face that does not make me want to hurt her. Bad.

Even so, it's a great season. Rob Sheffield wrote as much in the current issue of Rolling Stone (the one with the terrifying picture of Christina Aguilera on the cover), but two things in the column troubled me. One is that he said Heidi Klum was as broken and needy as any of the contestants.


I mean, you could say that of Tyra Banks or Janice Dickinson. But Heidi Klum appears to me to be as happy and calm a person as I've ever seen on a reality show. She has the world by the tail and she seems to know it. In the audition special, when she saw the short shorts Michael designed, she let fly a girlish giggle that was spontaneous and endearing. Even while reciting her lines, she somehow seems relaxed, poised and confident in her own (perfect) skin. What's Sheffield talking about?

He also compares her -- predictably -- to Ilsa, She-Wolf of the S.S. in the way she puts the contestants through their paces. Because Heidi is from Germany, it's okay to compare her to a sadistic Nazi character? Would it be okay to make stereotypical jokes about her if she were from, say, Nigeria? I'm not being a smart-ass, I'm seriously asking: Why are some countries fair game for stereotyping and not others?

Meanwhile, this gripping season of Big Brother is a study in mass mind control, and if you're watching, you know what I'm talking about. At one point, nine people were sitting around the hot tub. Two of them, Will and Mike, were telling the other seven why they needed protection from the four people upstairs... and the seven people were buying it.

Why didn't the seven people form their own alliance? Why did they allow themselves to be classified as "floaters"? No one knows. And how is it that everyone thinks they're in the Chill Town alliance and no one is? No one knows.

One thing is for sure: Janelle broke my heart. I was rooting for her, and Will made her evil and loopy with his demonic hypno-ray.

Oh, and one other thing is for sure: George is getting dumber by the second. At this point I wouldn't be surprised if he's keeping rabbits in his pockets.


Ellen said...

I am loving Project Runway. This is my first time watching it and I'm hooked.

A lucky blog-pal of mine knows someone on the show and got an "Auf Wiedersehen" drawstring bag souvenir.
Jealous me!

Did you see last night's ep?
If so, what did you think?

My daughter and I predicted the bottom two, but not who was gonna get the boot.

norm said...

While we're picking on Laura, I have to ask why, you think, she continues to flaunt her bony chest?
I don't think she should go get implants or anything...and being bony isn't the end of the world, but she's a fashion designer.
I would think she'd be a little more aware of the fashion faux pas she keeps committing with her countless low cut, sternum baring tops.
It's as if she thinks her upper rib cage is the sexiest thing on earth and that she's super hot when she shows it off.

Michael Markowitz said...

Ellen, I never miss ProjWay, as a friend calls it. I think it and Amazing Race are the reality shows for people who don't think they like reality shows. And I definitely called the bottom two. Experienced viewers know that a flattering garment, no matter how freaky, will always beat a dull unflattering one.

And Norm, I am so with you. I don't know who in her life told her that was a "look" that flatters her. Probably the same person who told her to grease down her hair like some guy in a John Held cartoon. Oddly enough, when she woke up with her hair all poofty, she looked BETTER! She actually then begins the process of UGLIFYING herself.

But yeah, her torso is stomach-churning. Right down to the spoiled-milk color of her skin and the freckles/birtmarks/blemishes.

norm said...

Have you seen "Design Star"?
I just started watching and it's kind of cool, but since the contestants are judged on both talent and on-camera's a little too arbitrary for me to "play along" in a satisfying way.
Then again, the show's probably no more subjective than any of the others...
And, I've only seen one episode, so it might grow on me.

About Laura, I try to not pick on things beyond someone's control, (i.e. I'll go after a bad comb-over, but not a guy who's just bald.)
but you're right about her actually going out of her way to make herself far less attractive...and when someone's got a nasty personality, that makes everything fair game.

peeky said...

i agree with the important points here, which is that project runway is delicious and laura has a big bony sternum that needs more coverage.

Sydelle Pearl said...

ProjWay Questions:
1. Why does a wannabe fashion designer with skin the color of death choose to wear a death-colored top?
2. Was the lipstick in that picture applied to the photo after it was printed?
3. What exactly is wrong with Vincent?
4. No, seriously, what's wrong with him?

murph's friend nance said...

I can vouch that Laura has worn that shade of lipstick (and the jodpher pants w/ riding boots) for 16 years, now.

The low-cut blouse thing, though, is new. I blame the husband.