Friday, September 08, 2006

The Path to Bullshit

GM decided not to sponsor Survivor this year. GM, CBS and Mark Burnett say the decision was made months ago, and has nothing to do with this hummajumma some cranks are trying to raise about the "racist" angle of the new season. Every bit of media coverage added some sort of arch, "as if we believe that" sort of note.

Now ABC has a 9/11 miniseries, which is apparently filled with flat-out invented scenes and made-up stuff that is completely at odds with the truth.

In other words, bullshit.

They sent tapes to Brent Bozell and Rush Limbaugh, but refuse to send tapes to President Clinton and Sandy Berger. So clearly there's no political agenda.

ABC has decided to present this show without commercials and even without anyone sponsoring it. Because it's more "tasteful" that way. Networks are traditionally super-tasteful. As such, they love to eat the cost of two nights of programming and have it not count in the Nielsens.

Yet no one is questioning whether or not ABC's explanation is "docudrama."

Anyway, now that I know where ABC's bar of "docu" is in their "docudramas" I am preparing a pitch for a miniseries called The Path to the Iraq War. It's inspired by true events, but others have been enhanced or invented for dramatic purposes.

It starts with George W. Bush and Osama Bin Laden playing miniature golf in the Rose Garden, and arguing over a longstanding bet they have as to who can kill the most Americans. Bush feels 9/11 shouldn't count, but Osama is standing firm. Bush even offers to give odds on their other longstanding bet -- Ann Coulter... Dude or Zombie? -- but no dice.

So Bush is now 3,000 Americans down, and he's got to think fast.


In the Situation Room, Bush and Cheney come up with an idea: lie us into a war in Iraq that will essentially be a senseless death factory, and a distraction from the real War on Terror, and hope to hit that magic 3,000 number before Osama adds any more dead Americans to his side of the scoreboard.

Condoleeza Rice objects on moral grounds, but Cheney reminds her that they have pictures of her and Sean Hannity killing JonBenet Ramsey, and those pictures will go public if she squawks again. She clams up, and vows never again to set next to Rumsfeld, who has explosive diarrhea. Again.

Admittedly, I made most of this stuff up, but it was artistic invention to enhance the dramatic flow of a hard-to-follow story. Besides, as the media have been pointing out, all docudramas contain lies. What's the big deal?

I will let you know when the offers come in.

4 comments:

Boski93 said...

Total bullshit. Breakout the brooms. There is a dangerous level of shenanigans going on.

Clevelandchick said...

I love your idea, pitch it to Al Gore's Current TV! You know no way in hell any networks will touch it; half of them have a lot of money invested in war-making and the rest wouldn't do anything to another 'elite' member of society. Go with Current TV. Make this 'docudrama' put it on You Tube; more people will see it than watch ABC.

gennifer6 said...

I'll probably watch the ABC thing anyway just to see it and see how much of it is bullshit. I'm a little surprised. I've never had cable, always relied on ABC News above any other network and still came out on the smarter side of the Bush Administration, so I'm not sure how/why this is happening.

Michael Markowitz said...

We know the writer/director has a right-wing agenda. I don't think ABC does, I just assume the network was trying to make sure the film was "even-handed." Its just that life isn't always like that.

The problem is that the 9/11 Commission Report didn't conclude that the Clinton Administration was as much to blame as the Bush Administration (how inconvenient) so ABC was obliged to make stuff up that the Clinton Administration did wrong.

Look, of course all docudramas manufacture events. But they do it to illustrate the truth. We may not know exactly what FDR said when he heard about Pearl Harbor, so you can invent a scene with his reaction to the news. What you can NOT do is make a movie claiming he died without ever learning the attack had occurred!

If the 9/11 Commission Report expressly says certain things did NOT happen, you can't put in scenes claiming they DID and still say you're basing your movie on the Report.

The double standard as regards this movie vs. the Reagan movie would be hilarious if it weren't so tragic.

Speaking of cable news vs. the network news, if you watch MSNBC and then watch NBC or ABC or CBS, it's like there are two different worlds. MSNBC has in-depth coverage of things that the networks simply pretends never happened.