Thursday, November 23, 2006

The Secret Scream and the Keystone Iraqis

Sonic weapons have been around for a few years, but one is finally making it into the hands of the U.S. Marines in Iraq, according to the Daily Mail (via Gizmodo). The Secret Scream is a vehicle-mounted stun gun that fires two sonic waves at a specific person, up to 300 yards away. The 110-145 decibel sound of a screaming baby played backwards causes the skull to vibrate and cause permanent deafness, and an excruciating migraine.

(I would suggest the same effect could be achieved by playing Lady Sovereign's "Love Me or Hate Me" and Gwen Stefani's "Wind It Up" at the same time. Just at regular volume. But that's me.)

Right now The Silent Scream is being touted as a weapon, but I say let's rejigger it into a motivational tool for the Iraqi army. Clearly they need some kind of kick in the pants: it's been three years of training and they're still not ready. Three years, and they can't "stand up" yet?! American troops are trained in two months!

After three years of training, these Iraqi knuckleheads should be ready to hit the Crucible or Victory Forge backwards and blindfolded. And if you're going to tell me, "Well, it's not the same guys for three years, dumbass. We teach a bunch of them, then we teach another bunch, and so on."

Well, in that case, can't the classes of 2004 and 2005 teach the classes of 2006 and 2007?! WTF?!

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