Thursday, August 17, 2006

Cord Organizer of the Week

Clownface (Phyllis) Dillah and the Heartbreak of Big Brother


I have come to the conclusion that Laura on Project Runway is absolutely incapable of making a face that does not make me want to hurt her. Bad.

Even so, it's a great season. Rob Sheffield wrote as much in the current issue of Rolling Stone (the one with the terrifying picture of Christina Aguilera on the cover), but two things in the column troubled me. One is that he said Heidi Klum was as broken and needy as any of the contestants.

Huh?

I mean, you could say that of Tyra Banks or Janice Dickinson. But Heidi Klum appears to me to be as happy and calm a person as I've ever seen on a reality show. She has the world by the tail and she seems to know it. In the audition special, when she saw the short shorts Michael designed, she let fly a girlish giggle that was spontaneous and endearing. Even while reciting her lines, she somehow seems relaxed, poised and confident in her own (perfect) skin. What's Sheffield talking about?

He also compares her -- predictably -- to Ilsa, She-Wolf of the S.S. in the way she puts the contestants through their paces. Because Heidi is from Germany, it's okay to compare her to a sadistic Nazi character? Would it be okay to make stereotypical jokes about her if she were from, say, Nigeria? I'm not being a smart-ass, I'm seriously asking: Why are some countries fair game for stereotyping and not others?

Meanwhile, this gripping season of Big Brother is a study in mass mind control, and if you're watching, you know what I'm talking about. At one point, nine people were sitting around the hot tub. Two of them, Will and Mike, were telling the other seven why they needed protection from the four people upstairs... and the seven people were buying it.

Why didn't the seven people form their own alliance? Why did they allow themselves to be classified as "floaters"? No one knows. And how is it that everyone thinks they're in the Chill Town alliance and no one is? No one knows.

One thing is for sure: Janelle broke my heart. I was rooting for her, and Will made her evil and loopy with his demonic hypno-ray.

Oh, and one other thing is for sure: George is getting dumber by the second. At this point I wouldn't be surprised if he's keeping rabbits in his pockets.

Bring Me the Head of Charlie Brown