Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Three Commercial Characters I'd Like To See Snap and Spray the Room with Machine Gun Fire

The worried guy who tells his wife they're going to be audited by the IRS, and she launches into the bitchiest monologue possible about how he chose to have a box do their taxes. "Look: a box!" "Let's ask the box." "Oh, right... It's a box." If I were he, I'd seal her in a box. Then bury the box. Then salt the dirt over the box.

Then there's the Olive Garden hostess who is trying to seat a woman, and the woman goes into this weird rant about how she's meeting a date whose shoes will be untied. The hostess makes her "huh" face, until the woman's kid yells, "Mommy!" or somesuch. They end the commercial before the hostess splashes a scalding pot of marinara in her face.

And finally, the mom who takes her whole family on a cruise for one reason only: to see her snotty daughter smile. They try everything, do everything, drag themselves and this c__t from one activity to another, trying desperately to get her to validate them. Finally, she smiles... but then realizes one of these people -- these apparent assholes who insist on loving her -- is watching and resumes scowling. Let's hope they slit her throat before she wishes them into the corn.


Michael B. said...

What about the people in the Vonage commercials who are hit in the head with the box? I'd love for one of them to stand up and say "You just hit me in the head with your product a-hole. Where's my lawyer?"

Ellen said...

That "Olive Garden" one drives me crazy! The residuals on that are making those folks a fortune.

And while we're at it: How about the Office Depot commercial with the hand in the box? Uh..."Thank you, Thing".
So original.

What do you think would happen if the Office Depot hand pushed the Staples easy button??

Boski93 said...

Can I help? I can spring for the ammo.