Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Sometimes a Guitar is Just a Guitar

I have no idea if Prince intended his guitar-stroking to appear phallic. I do know that I watched the show, enjoyed it, and didn't notice anything off-color about it. The "controversy" totally took me by surprise.

(
Though I agree with Stephen Colbert that "any Chasid worth his pais will tell you that as long as it's through a sheet it's kosher.")

I should disclose that I've worked with Don Mischer, the producer of the halftime show, and know him to be an extraordinarily intelligent, sensitive, talented producer, and the last man who would allow something like that to happen on his watch. I'm sure Prince's performance was closely vetted beforehand, and that if something untoward happened, Don would be the first one to publicly apologize.

I should also disclose that I'm one of millions of Americans -- and presumably millions of children -- who watched the Jackson/Timberlake Super Bowl show and totally missed the breast exposure. (Unlike Dick Cheney, I occasionally need to blink.) Like those millions of children, I was exposed to the breast in question not via the Super Bowl, but via the constant isolation and replaying of the moment on the news.

"Maybe it's me," I thought. Maybe I'm one of those blue-state, cut-and-run, secular-whatevers that Fox Noise so hates. Maybe I've been desensitized to the filth all around me. So I did a simple Google search for "Prince" and "Super Bowl" and found the following headlines.

MONDAY:

Safe, Family Entertainment Suitable for the Super Bowl
No Malfunction As Prince Rocks Halftime
Super Bowl: ...perfect halftime show
No 'Malfunctions' on CBS Super Bowl Show
CBS delivers a safe effort
No Malfunction as Prince Rocks Halftime
Best moment? Prince by a landslide
Prince delivers in old-school halftime show
No Malfunction as Prince Rocks Halftime
Prince saves not-so-Super show
No 'malfunctions' in broadcast this year


TODAY:

Prince's Super Bowl Shadow Malfunction?
Some see phallic imagery
Halftime Show sparks controversy
Controversy Sprouts Over Halftime Show
SUPER BOWL PERFORMANCE X-RATED?...
Prince's Halftime Imagery Questioned
Prince's Soggy Halftime Imagery Questioned
NFL DENIES 'PHALLIC SYMBOLISM'
Maybe Prince wasn't so 'noncontroversial' after all

Prince's Super Bowl performance associated with phallic images

(That last one is my favorite because it's from Pravda.)

What happened in between? Talk radio... blogs... and then, of course, endless replays on the news. To make sure that children are brainwashed with the message "Prince + guitar = penis."

It's worth noting that CBS received "very few" complaints from actual viewers. It's also worth noting that the Super Bowl whose halftime show featured Janet Jackson's floppage also aired in Canada. The CBSC received 50 complaints.

That's fifty. Five-oh.

They received "roughly twice as many complaints about other aspects of the Super Bowl broadcast, including music and advertising issues."

Great nation though it is, America often resembles a big, untrained dog, barking for attention, begging for love, and shitting everywhere. If that's true, it's a big dog being wagged by a really small tail.

Prince strokes the longer and straighter of his two
penises while a terrorist tries to set fire to his balls


1 comment:

norm said...

Hmmm.
My eight-year-old didn't notice any phallic imagery, but he did sit up and take notice of the ads for the new Hannibal Lector movie.
He also liked the cheerleaders in their "bootie holders" (don't ask me how he came up with that one.)

In the interest of fair play I went to the Country Music Channel to see how middle America would do it better.
I saw a boatload of daisy dukes, gyrating asses, heaving cleavage (all pretty cool stuff)
and a ten minute Jeff Foxworthy sketch about a Viagra erection that wouldn't go away until he saw pictures of his boss's wife at a nude beach.
The only real difference I saw was more American flags and fewer black people.
I must be missing something...