Thursday, March 29, 2007


What's a guy to do? The bottom two on Idol last night were two of the only three I'm halfway interested in. The third is Gina, whom I just plain like. And her "I'll Stand By You" was the highlight for me. Haley is sweet, too.

They're both doomed.

As for Gwen Stefani... I love ya, Gwen, I really do, I'm a fan. But it's time to lose the Harajuku girls. You know how we all hate women who carry dogs around in their purses? You are actually using human beings as accessories. Plus it's a really offensive racial stereotype. AND it's annoying to have them capering around, distracting us from you.

And, finally, the whole bit is just plain played. Don't be that person. You're better than that. Seriously. It would be as if Elton John still showed up for every concert in the Donald Duck suit.

Now on to song choices.

The Police are an obvious influence on Gwen Stefani. Ditto Cyndi Lauper and The Pretenders. But Donna Summer? Influenced Gwen Stefani?? Whaaa? And both Lakisha and Melinda sang Donna Summer songs??

Shades of the "Vehicle" controversy.

In light of this, I make a prediction: When it's Country Week, Lakisha and Melinda will warble the down-home stylings of Aretha Franklin.

And if it's Beatles Week, they will sing some fab Natalie Cole. On Tony Bennett Week, they'll sing Ma Rainey.

On Carole Bayer Sager Week they'll both sing "Don't Nobody Bring Me No Bad News."

And on Bono Week, they will sing, er, Aretha Franklin again.

The week before the finale will be, for some reason, a Weathergirls Night.

All so that Fauxretha and Miss Potato Head can skate away on the thin ice of a fixed show.

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