Monday, April 16, 2007

Andy Rooney Listens to the Voices in His Head Again

"[The Chevrolet] has the most widely-recognized emblem of any product in the world."
That's what Andy Rooney said on 60 Minutes last night. Really, Andy?


I mean, I know you're old, Andy. Not "Joan Collins" old... I mean you're "carbon" old. So I understand if you haven't seen a lot of today's emblems and logos while leafing through the rotogravure while wearing a prince-nez and taking mercurichrome to prevent dropsy.

But the idea that the Chevrolet logo is the most recognizable in the world is so unbelievably ridiculous that only Andy Rooney could come up with it. Personally, I had to look online to even see what Chevrolet emblem he was talking about. Once I saw it, I realized what he meant, but if you showed me that logo and it wasn't on a car? You could hold a barbecue starter to my balls and I still couldn't name the company. (Though I don't recommend it.)

Maybe that's me, but come on, Andy. Most widely-recognized? More than the Nike swoosh? The BMW and Mercedes circles? The Apple apple? The McDonalds arches? The Pepsi globe? The AOL "A"? The Pillsbury Doughboy and his dad, the Michelin Man? The Ghostbusters ghost? The Batman batwings? The Bacardi batwings? The Hardees/Carl's star? The Arby's hat? The Taco Bell? The NBC peacock? The CBS eye? The Shell shell? The Paramount mountain? The Columbia Benning?

I'll bet you could take the "TV" off the MTV logo, and people would still know that "M" belongs to MTV.

And forget about all of those. What about Mickey Mouse?

Mickey Mouse, Andy! Mickey friggin' Mouse!!

Isn't there someone at CBS who could fact-check Andy once in a while?

As long as Andy was complaining about these newfangled automobulators they got these days, the senile old cobweb has another complaint:

"I don't know a Subaru from a Suzuki... They're using a lot of letters and numbers now on their cars... The Jaguar XJR... The Cayenne S..."

Yeah, that's a lot more confusing than the "Model T Ford."

But I was content to let Andy wave his cane and tell auto companies to get out of his yard, until he sniffed:

"This has 'Hybrid Synergy Drive' whatever that means. I'm sure it costs more."

Nice. I'm sure saving the planet is completely unimportant to Andy Rooney, since he'll be leaving it any minute. But if the selfish prick could just once put himself in someone else's shoes, he'd use his platform for good, not... whatever it is he's using it for now.

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