Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Hasselbeck to Build Town Out of Hamburger

New York, NY -- Elisabeth Hasselbeck, The View co-host and sperm receptacle, has outlined her vision for a planned community, with homes and commercial structures built entirely out of hamburger. The announcement comes on the heels of Hasselbeck's announcement on yesterday's The View that "steel weakens" at a temperature of 270 degrees.

"Tim was barbecuing for me and some of his football friends last night, and I was practicing my times tables, and suddenly it hit me. Steel gets softer when it gets hot, but hamburger actually gets harder. It's like some kind of miracle thing, and it's been right under our nose things all this time! And it's not just hamburger... It's meat loaf, too!"

While investors are still being sought, Hasselbeck plans to locate the town in Florida. "I even have a name picked out! Hasselbeckistan! Either that or Nine-Eleven-ville."

President Bush will give Ms. Hasselbeck the Presidential Medal of Freedom at a ceremony tomorrow night.

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