Monday, June 11, 2007

Can We All Finally Admit Barbara Walters is Not a Journalist?

"I will never forget Barbara Walters walking out onto the stage at the Primetime Emmys one year like Queen Victoria, to wag her dowager finger at the audience and regally and disapprovingly lecture the industry on their responsibility to inform as well as entertain, to elevate the national discourse, to raise the level of consciousness, and not to pander.

This within a week of her Tonya Harding interview.

And now this old bloodclot has given a daily forum to Star friggin' Jones and Elisabeth Whatever-Her-Name-Is. Lecture us again, Barbara."


Quoting myself is rude, so I apologize, but I told that story in a previous post and I wanted to reprint it here so I can be upfront about my distaste for Barbara Walters.

Throughout Rosie's time on
The View, the 24-hour news heads were horrified. "How can Barbara risk her journalistic credibility like this?" "This is a legendary journalist, and she's letting herself be tainted like this??"

Right.

I've maintained for years that Barbara Walters is a "Journalist" like O.J. Simpson is a "Football Hero."

Sure she once
was a journalist, and a respected and groundbreaking one at that. That was in the 1970's. So Barbara was a journalist around the same time Baghdad was a booming tourist destination with a Marriott.

Planning a vacation in Iraq this year?

But some remained unconvinced. They still thought Barbara had a shred of dignity or honesty.

Today she proved them wrong once and for all.

As she read the "transcript" of her "conversation" with Paris Hilton, she actually tried to sell that it was real. Just two gals, talking out some troubles on a collect call.

Ah, but they got cocky and made rookie mistakes. From the "conversation" come these gems:

"It is not who I am, nor do I want to be that person..."

"I'm twenty-six years old now and it is a different time. I have become much more spiritual..."

"...and that is why I was sent to jail."

"It is"? "I have"? "That is?" You kidding me? I just don't see Paris Hilton as someone who skimps on contractions.

And I'd be willing to bet a lung that Paris Hilton has never spontaneously said "nor do I" in her life.

I was still reeling from her statement this weekend in which she said, "I would hope going forward
that the public and the media would focus on 'more important things.'"

"G
oing forward"???

Is she also "expressing profound regret" that her "prior bad acts" were the "ostensible root cause" of a "sustainable paradigm shift in synergy deployment and recontextualization"?

I ain't buying it.

Clearly she was told to read something someone else wrote. She was probably also told not to change a single word. The only way this could have been more of a puppet show is if a ventriloquist shoved his hand up her ass.

(If you are not giggling and thinking of at least three jokes right now, I'm very disappointed in you.)

So okay. Let's assume Paris was reading a prepared statement. Which means we've been wrong all these years: she can read.

We can still give Barbara the benefit of the doubt, can't we? Given her selfless service entertaining the troops during the Spanish-American War, she's earned it.

Let's assume that she thought they were just talking on the phone. What a trusting soul. But... unbeknownst to her... Paris was actually reading from a script! And making it sound like she was just casually speaking.

That means Paris was acting!

Oh. Wait.

Ummm, did you see her in House of Wax?

Do you really believe that Paris Hilton woozled Barbara Walters through the sheer force of her acting skills?

Nuh uh.

The whole thing was a thin frosting of small talk around a big pre-packaged Sno-Ball of a PR setup.

So if Paris' ordeal was an explosive story, we can now consider Barbara Walters' credibility to be the first collateral damage.

1 comment:

Boski93 said...

So true, anyone who still does must be sniffing glue. When will we just change her "Special" to The Barbara Walters 25 Most Vapid People Who Want Their Ass Kissed By Barbara Walters Special.

Hugh Downs why have you forsaken us! First it was Gerarldo, then Barb and now Stossel is rubbing me the wrong way. You are on my list Downs.