Wednesday, June 06, 2007

In Fairness to Pervy Adult Guys...

... we do get kind of a mixed message from the media, don't'cha think?

For example, I'm leafing through a magazine and I see this:

And after a few wonderful moments I notice it's Miss Teen USA! With a capital Teen!

Can I be forgiven if "Miss Teen USA" wasn't my first-three-seconds take-away? Can we all agree that my desire to be a fine, upstanding citizen is being unnecessarily challenged here?

I don't want to feel dirty, I really don't. So I'm trying to figure this out. Really. I have been ever since I noticed that the "save the cheerleader" girl was dressed to feature her bounteous, silken cleavage.

My pants felt funny. Inappropriately so.

Now along comes Miss Teen Take Me Now USA.

I look at these pictures and all I can think is "Spank. Bone. Repeat."

If there's another way for a healthy American male to read these inkblots, please, help a brutha out!

I do not want to end up eating cookies and avoiding Chris Hansen's judgmental glare.

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