Wednesday, June 06, 2007

The League of Extraordinary Douchebags

Last night Keith Olbermann had an embarassment of sons-of-bitches to pick from for his Worst Person in the World.

Personally I would have given O'Reilly the edge.

On that same show he argued that Sarah Silverman's jokes at Paris Hilton's expense were unnecessarily cruel and hurtful. Yes, you read that right. Bill O'Reilly not only felt Sarah was being cruel to Paris, but saw this as typical "secular progressive" behavior on Sarah's part (presumably casting Paris in the Laura Bush role).

Needless to say Michelle the Dog-Faced Malkin agreed wholeheartedly and irritatingly with Bill. She's like Tracy Flick... if I wanted to hit Tracy Flick in the head with an axe. After shrilly squealing that Bill-O was right, Michelle resumed tonguing his asshole. Not his head, the other one.

Okay, so:

The night before, Bill said the TB guy was also a perfect example of a "secular progressive":

"Traditional values people put others on par with themselves. That's a Judeo-Christian tenet: Love your neighbor as yourself. Secular progressives put themselves above all others. That philosophy says 'me first, then I'll worry about you.'"

Uh huh. I don't understand that, but it turns out the TB guy is very religious and I think he's a conservative, so it doesn't make sense anyway.

Also this week, Will Ferrell, Adam McKay, Rosie O'Donnell, John Edwards and the Governor of Illinois are also "secular progressives." Oh, and as near as I can tell, so is everyone in Vermont. I may be wrong on that, but it's really hard to tell sometimes WTF Bill is talking about.

I thought I knew what he meant by "secular progressives" but I guess I don't.

Maybe he doesn't either.

All I know is this: I used to drive with my car doors unlocked.

Until I actually saw an episode of The O'Reilly Factor.


gina said...

"Secular Progressive"?

Did he make that up?

Michael Markowitz said...

I just assumed he did, because I've never heard anyone else use it.

Also it seems so Bill: it's such a stupid "insult" to call someone, since there's a compliment contained within it.