I so wish it weren't against the rules for Amber to take calls on tomorrow's House Calls with Gretchen Massey. If we were allowed to phone in, I would put on my most booming and stern voice and call in as follows:
"Hi, Gretchen, this is the Lord, God. First time, long time...
"Uh, hey, Amber? I just wanted to let you know My plan was for you to win the whole thing, but then you started talking trash about My Chosen People, so I nixed that.
"But then I felt bad, 'cause you're kind of a loser, so I arranged it so you could win ten thousand dollars on Power of Ten... but you screwed that pooch, too.
"Oh, and by the way? You know how every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings? Well, every time someone cries for no reason, someone else gets cancer. And every time someone says My name in vain? A child breaks a bone. So I hope you had a good summer, douchebag.
"One more thing... What would you say if I told you that you will die in a terrorist bombing sometime in the next two years, and that afterward and forever everyone will think you were the terrorist? And I'll take my answer off the air. Thank you!"
Thursday, August 30, 2007
at 8:56 PM