Thursday, August 30, 2007

Amber Wants to Be a Motivational Speaker. Don't Everyone Line Up At Once.


I so wish it weren't against the rules for Amber to take calls on tomorrow's House Calls with Gretchen Massey. If we were allowed to phone in, I would put on my most booming and stern voice and call in as follows:


"Hi, Gretchen, this is the Lord, God. First time, long time...

"Uh, hey, Amber? I just wanted to let you know My plan was for you to win the whole thing, but then you started talking trash about My Chosen People, so I nixed that.

"But then I felt bad, 'cause you're kind of a loser, so I arranged it so you could win ten thousand dollars on Power of Ten... but you screwed that pooch, too.

"Oh, and by the way? You know how every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings? Well, every time someone cries for no reason, someone else gets cancer. And every time someone says My name in vain? A child breaks a bone. So I hope you had a good summer, douchebag.

"One more thing... What would you say if I told you that you will die in a terrorist bombing sometime in the next two years, and that afterward and forever everyone will think you were the terrorist? And I'll take my answer off the air. Thank you!"

3 comments:

gina said...

LOL - I don't watch BB, but this cracked me up. God calling someone a douchebag...

Michael Markowitz said...

lol... Well, He is, after all, a gangsta. And if you'd seen the show, you'd know she's an INCREDIBLE douchebag.

Anonymous said...

I like it when Amber says
"God Bless you GOd"