Monday, September 10, 2007

Problems Got Him Pessimistic

According to Adrants, Tennessee Education Association President and Director of Hayseed Affairs Dr. Earl Wiman is steamed (or grilled) about the Hardee's/Carl's ad with the teacher dancing for her class while a couple of knuckleheads rap about "flat buns," all to the glory of a patty melt.

While Earl's doctorate is apparently in Advanced Moronics, the commercial is pretty dumb.

First of all, this idea was done better by Van Halen about 20 years ago. And with more women.

Second, a patty melt is made with rye (or sourdough) bread... not buns.

Third of all, I literally don't
understand the commercial because the hot teacher does not have (to my mind) flat buns. I find that she has deliciously curved buns. I associate "flat buns" with pre-teen girls and boys, so I have no sexual interest in them. But hey, that's me.

The"teens" in this ad, besides looking like tools, also look about thirty; you can tell they're not actual teenage boys because they're rapping about burgers instead of
watching the incredibly hot girl dancing on the desk.

(Something tells me these guys know how many foot taps mean what in the Minneapolis Airport men's room.)

But while all that makes it difficult for me to defend the ad, I have to. Because I'm offended.

Offended that any Tennessee educator like Dr. Earl Williams wastes one precious minute bitching about bullshit like commercials, when he comes from a state that is red, but not well-read.

Tennessee, under Dr. Earl's chaw-spitting leadership, ranks as follows among our 50 states:

43rd in indicators of child well-being

46th in percent of persons age 25 and over with a high school degree

41st in percent of adults with a bachelor's diploma

50th in total education spending per capita

49th in elementary and secondary education spending

35th in per capita spending on higher education

44th in overall health ranking

45th in the "Condition of Children" index

49th in library systems

48th in total library operating expenditure

50th in home and community-based care

It is estimated that 20 to 39% of Tennesseans are functionally illiterate.

Let's keep our eye on the ball, okay, Earl? Spend less time worrying about X-rated material, and more time worrying about the X's your students use to sign their names and mark their moonshine.


Sydelle Pearl said...

I have another problem with the commercial. Who likes flat buns (the bread kind)?

Michael Markowitz said...

i'm with you, syd. It seems to me the patty melt has many outstanding qualities, but none of them involve the flatness of the bun. In fact, I'd argue that serving it on a bun eliminates some of those qualities.

Having said that, my mouth is watering, decades later, for a Norris Center patty melt.