Friday, April 27, 2007

If I Ran 60 Minutes...

George Tenet will be on 60 Minutes this Sunday to discuss his new book in which he reveals that Dick Cheney and other administration officials -- oh, how should I put this? --lied us into war? Like a lot of us have been saying all along?

So if I were preparing the questions for the interviewer to ask Tenet, here's what I would put on the card:

1. You reportedly received millions for this book. Why didn't you tell your story earlier?

2. No, really, why didn't you tell your story years ago?

3. Why didn't you tell us all this a long time ago?

4. When you got that Presidential Medal of Freedom? And the cameras and reporters were there? Wouldn't that have been a good time to tell us?

5. Hey, I know! The 9/11 Commission! You had a microphone and everything. Could you have told us then?

6. What's the best way to hypnotize President Bush: Stare directly into his eyes for five seconds, draw a straight line of chalk, or hold his nose and blow in his ear?

7. Can you list five things you did in the last year that you felt were more important than telling the American people they were lied into a war?

8. Okay, three things?

9. One thing?

10. Does the Medal now burn when you touch it? Or is it more of an electric shock?

11. Did anyone in your family beg you to speak up about America being lied into a war? And when you said you weren't going to, how quickly did they walk out and never come back?

12. When you're around Dick Cheney, is there a sulfur smell, or is it like burning flesh? Or is it even more disturbing, like the absence of a smell?

13. Do you prefer "traitor" or "collaborator"?

14. Knowing what you've done, and what your silence has cost in American blood and treasure, will you become addicted to drugs, or go straight to killing yourself?

15. Seriously, why didn't you say something before?

Joe Biden on Meet the Press Sunday

The "Meet the Candidates" series on Meet the Press -- not to be confused with Colbert's "Better Know a District" -- continues this Sunday with a sit-down with Joe Biden.

Anyone who's seen his many appearances on Meet the Press or Hardball or Real Time or The Daily Show knows he is a formidable man, and should be a serious contender for President. And his performance in the debate yesterday only enhanced that perception, IMHO.

I encourage you to check him out, and the other candidates as well. Don't eat what you're force-fed by the media. They want you to believe there are only three candidates on each side because it's a neater story to tell. They want you to believe it's a game show, where the candidates with the most money slide to the convention.

The "major" candidates may indeed be the best candidates (except Clinton and Giuliani, of course...they just suck). But consider all the candidates, even if they haven't raised enough money for the media to consider them "worthy."

Thursday, April 26, 2007

The Amazing Race Must End the Right Way

American Idol's deflating. Survivor was so boring I stopped watching. If Dustin and Kandice don't win The Amazing Race, April truly will be the cruelest month.

They have to win, right? I mean, God recognizes can-do spirit and deathless optimism when He sees it, right? They always have so much fun. They never argue. I love them!

He couldn't let Eric and Danielle win. They're so completely repugnant, I'm certain that if they won a million dollars they'd use it to buy gold homeless-person-kicking machines.

Oswald and Danny? Aren't they the couple from Seinfeld that used to beat up Kramer?

And then there's Charla and Mirna. Ohhhh... the stomach churns at the thought. Back in the day, I wanted so badly to root for them. Now I want nothing more than to pick up Charla and use her to beat Mirna to death.

Random Picture of the Week

I Know This is Old... But It's Something Every American Should Watch

I'm Ashamed To Be As Impressed By This As I Am

Engadget brings news of a clever little hack: Someone took one of the handiest things in the world-- a Moleskine -- and turned it into one of the other handiest things in the world -- a 2.5" disk enclosure. Now if someone makes a Moleskine iPod case I might have a geekgasm.

And by the way, it's pronounced Mo-luh-SKEE-nay, like Italian. I know, I found it hard to believe, too.

Thank Goodness Imus is Gone, 'Cause He Was By Far The Worst Guy Out There

"You can take one of these niggers, drag 'em into the alley and beat the shit out of them and kick them. You can see them twitch. It really relieves your tension."
-- "Fox News Contributor" and frequent Hannity & Colmes guest Mark Fuhrman, on a tape played in the O.J. Simpson trial. On H&C he once said the "type of people" he dealt with as a police officer could "kill somebody and go have some chicken at KFC."

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

What the Public Schools is Happening to Education is Even More Troubling

Who Says We Haven't Had a Terrorist Attack Since 9/11?!

You hear it all the time. Cheney says it all the time. Bush says it all the time. Barbara Walters said it this morning. She doesn't like Bush's foreign policies, "but you have to admit, we haven't had a terrorist attack since 9/11."

I'm really sick of hearing that. It's... what's the word? A canard? Hogwash? Bullshit?

First of all, it's been less than six years since 9/11. After the first World Trade Center bombing in 1993, American soil went unattacked for eight years. In hindsight, did it make us safer on 9/10? Then why would it now?

Second of all, when someone tries to kill the Vice President (forgetting that it requires a wooden stake) and kills 32 troops instead, does that not count as a terrorist attack?

But put that aside. Because there may be an even simpler reason why we "haven't been attacked."

Because, like Pizza Hut, we delivered.

We sent thousands and thousands of Americans right into Iraq, then took out the only guy keeping the terrorists out of the country. It was like throwing our troops into the water and filling it with chum.

Why should the terrorists go to all the trouble of plotting and planning to come over here to kill 2900 people, when we have, so far, hand-delivered into their laps more than 3300 beautiful young souls?

For the terrorists, it's fish in a barrel.

When Bush says, "We have to fight them over there, or we'll be fighting them over here," he doesn't mean that we'll defeat them over there. Because he knows full well we can't.

His plan is a very old one, as old as ignorance itself. Human sacrifice is the last refuge of a leader in over his head, whether he uses burning, beheading, burial, bloodletting, or a "surge."

Bush will just keep shoveling young bodies into the maw of this beast and hope that it pleases it, mollifies it, hope that it satisfies its hunger, slakes its thirst. At least until January, 2009, when the beast becomes someone else's problem.

Let's make it someone else's problem now.

Monday, April 23, 2007

The Spike Jonze Gap Ad

A little over a year ago, I posted that it was a shame Gap killed (spiked, if you will) an amazing commercial Spike Jonze directed for them. In the year since, Gap's advertising has gotten worse, and Spike's commercial has stayed great. So by popular demand (my own) here's another look:

Take Your Home Videos to the Next Level

Now that TiVo offers Home Movie Sharing, it's a good time to kick those family videos up a notch. As always, CNETTV.COM is the place to turn for the tips. This video is just one of countless useful primers you'll find there.

Video - Put Some Shine on Your Home Videos Insider Secrets - CNETTV.COM

Every time I go to CNETTV I learn something, which is always good. I also see Veronica Belmont, which is also always good.

David Letterman Gets More Laughs in Three Minutes Than Rich Little Got in His Whole Act

I turned on the Correspondent's Dinner late, and it took exactly ten seconds for Rich Little to say something I found offensive. He was imitating Ronald Reagan, and said in the war on poverty, "the poor lost." Ho ho ho... Funny stuff. The half of the crowd most responsible for the misery of the poor found it hilarious; the other half sat, stunned.

I left the room. I came back a few minutes later and Rich Little was
actually putting in joke teeth to do President Carter. I checked the calendar to make sure it was 2007. Since it was, I can only assume that Mickey Rooney had a yard sale. I turned the TV off.

Apparently, I missed the best part, before Little's Monologue of Mass Destruction.

Let's Start Another Thread for TV Non-Musical Phrases I Never Want to Hear Again

Just a few, off the top of my head:


"Doppler radar"

"Meredith, what's wrong?"

"My best friend Gayle and I..."

"Either we leave this basement together or we leave this life together"

"Save the cheerleader save the world"

"Meredith, are you okay?"

"I'm Billy Bush"


"Will you accept this rose?"

Oprah saying a celebrityyyyyyyyy's naaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaaaame!

"I'm worried about Meredith."

Please add more.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

If You Are Associated With Any of These Commercial Campaigns, I Really, REALLY Need to Never Hear These Phrases Again

A little bit maw, little bit maw, a little bit maw, little bit maw, a little bit maw, little bit maw...

I like to live on the edge-uhhhh...

Hey, Iiiiii'm just an ol' chunk o' coal...

It's all just a little bit of history repeatinnnnggg...

Here comes Johnny Yen again...

There are more, but time prohibits. If anyone has any others, please include them in the comments. Maybe someone is reading this who can do something about these blights.