Friday, July 13, 2007

Groucho Goes to War on False Pretenses

I've seen a lot of movies that claim to examine human behavior, but I've never seen any that nail our quirks like this scene from Duck Soup, one of my favorite movies. Here Groucho does something that I do, that you do, that we all do. Only when he does it, it's hilarious.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

It's Good To Be the Prince

It Should Be Noted...

...that even is Bush is telling the truth -- which he demonstrably isn't -- and it turns out Al Qaeda is as strong as it was on 9/11, not before 9/11...

...the difference between Al Qaeda on 9/10 and Al Qaeda on 9/11?

Nineteen guys.

He's lying, and it's only to claim credit for a reduction of 19 guys.

Even his lies are poorly planned.

Ohhhh... Well, In That Case, No Problem

There is a perception in the coverage that al Qaeda may be as strong today as they were prior to September the 11th. That's just simply not the case. I think the report will say, since 2001, not prior to September the 11th, 2001.

-- George W. Bush, 7/12/07

MSNBC, You're Killing Me Here

In the movie Tune In Tomorrow, Peter Falk played a radio soap opera writer who peppered his scripts with insanely inappropriate and random anti-Albanian slurs. (Trust me, in the movie it's hilarious.)

I am reminded of that roughly 400 times a day, which is how often I see a particular Ditech ad on MSNBC. In it, the voiceover (who seems to be doing a horrible Albert Brooks impression) is talking about home loans or whatever Ditech does... and then suddenly veers off into talking about magicians. Huh?

Then, the announcer says that some people call magicians "illusionists." Only he says it like this: ill-yooooooooo-sionists. It's the most snide, naked loathing I've ever heard on TV. And I still have no idea why this vicious, random anti-magician diatribe found its way into a Ditech ad. I only know that I never want to see it again.

But then again, whenever the Ditech ad is not on, I am instead treated to the Blackberry Curve ad below. It has the most irritating, grating, repulsive song on Earth... and then, right before it ends, the ad slips in the AT&T jingle... the second most irritating song on Earth. It's not even a graceful transition. The song is just kinda dragged-and-dropped. I'd like to find whoever approved this ad and drag-and-drop them off a cliff.

AT&T, hear me now and believe me later: If you do not stop with this friggin' ad, I am going to go all Buford Pusser on my nearest AT&T location.

I'm begging you. Yank this ad. If not for me, do it for the troops. Yeah... that's right. For the troops. Oh, and for the children.

Headline of the Day

I Believe You, Mr. Bush

Marty Kaplan has an excellent column in The Huffington Post on Bush's oppressive repetition of the phrase "I believe." He quotes an odd, illogical passage from Bush's remarks in Cleveland the other day. At his press conference, Bush just repeated the same passage, practically word for word. It didn't improve with age.

Bush's argument comes down to this: How can we say he's wrong? Clearly he wouldn't do things he doesn't believe are necessary. He believes in the things he believes and that's why he acts on those beliefs.

I believe that you believe, Mr. Bush. I believe you're not stupid, and I believe you're not evil. I truly believe that you believe the things you say you believe.

I also think you're insane. Mad. Crazy.

Not crazy like in "Crazy Eddie." Crazy like in "muttering and covering the windows with Bible passages."

Bush is a madman. He is a dangerous lunatic. He believes things that aren't so. He does the same things over and over and expects a different result. And we all know what that makes him: crazy.

This morning, Bush even said that the American People's opposition to the war was due to war fatigue, which is affecting our "psychology." He pointed to his head, in a gesture most recognize as signifying "koo-koo."

Hey, fuck you, too.

If everyone in the White House knew Bush was crazy -- like Charles Logan times a thousand -- we all know they'd never tell us. If they won't admit Karl Rove sends email, they certainly wouldn't admit that Bush is crying non-stop and smearing mustard on his chest.

Can we please get an independent, impartial psychiatrist to give the Shithouse Rat-in-Chief a psychological exam? Don't we have the right to occasionally check the sanity of our leader? To be reassured we're not being led over a cliff into an ocean of Kool-Aid?

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Charles Lane

One of my favorite actors passed away Monday night. If you are over the age of four, you have seen and enjoyed Charles Lane at least once in your life.

102 years on Earth, 70 of them in show business. Well over 300 roles, his most recent in 2006.

Think about it: He survived the 1906 San Francisco earthquake, and was still acting 100 years later. That's an extraordinary life.

If you love movies and TV, actors like Charles Lane are part of the reason why.

Some Cruel Big Brother 8 Remarks

(If you're watching the show, you know they're deserved.)

Is it my imagination, or does Jen get fuglier by the second? And yes, those T-shirts are grounds for homicide.

What is more hideous about Jessica: her hair, her makeup, her voice, or her personality?

How can anyone, male or female, find Joe attractive?

There are two guys in the house that I just can't tell apart. Are they the same person, rendered twice via green screen?

Is it too late for America to pick a less obnoxious America's Player? Seriously, can we vote on that, please?

That Vegas chick, Amber? She is genuinely psychotic, as well as the dictionary definition of "slatternly."

And Cail is a cautionary tale... a living warning to Kirsten Dunst to take care of her appearance.

And could the guys all put their shirts on, please? At least part of the time?

Tuesday, July 10, 2007 is a great site to set as one of your home pages, since it's a nice collection of headlines, links and feeds. But please don't use the page's customized search engine to easily find free content on the Web in any way that doesn't comply fully with existing copyright laws.

Remove Your iPhone's Sim Card

Rumors are that there's a phoneless iPhone coming, to which I say, "Now you're talkin'!"

Until then, here's an incredibly useful tip on removing your sim card so the future is now. And if your sim is already activated, you can slip it into another phone to suit your mood.

Check out the how-to video -- starring the always-charming-and-informative Tom Merritt -- at the always-charming-and-informative CNET TV.

Powerbook Earrings: Sure They're Geeky But They're Elegant and, Unlike Diamonds, Kids Don't Lose Their Arms Making Them

Fox News Thinks Cold Weather Disproves Global Warming. Did None of Them See Fox's The Day After Tomorrow??

Tell Home Depot to stop advertising on Fox News