Saturday, December 29, 2007

Cody "Snake" Willard


"Tell him I'll respond to this Abrams dude when he's got enough guts to man up to the bar with me. Anytime."

-- Fox Business Channel host Cody Willard

First of all, you'll have to take my word for it: there actually is a Fox Business Channel. You probably even have it somewhere on your system, but I wouldn't recommend watching this thing.

Second of all, Willard was responding via TV Newser to MSNBC's Dan Abrams. Abrams repeatedly commits what is apparently a cardinal sin at Fox: he shows clips of their mistakes. Very unfair. Fox only believes in news that
isn't documented.

But the funniest thing about this quote? Willard does his show from the bar at the Waldorf=Astoria.

The Waldorf=Astoria????

Yes, Cody Willard is actually proclaiming himself
the baddest dude at the Waldorf.

I mean, just look at the picture below. Oooooh, I'm shakin'...



Friday, December 28, 2007

Slice of Life: Actual Transcript of Call I Just Received

What follows is an actual transcript of a phone call I got this morning, from one of my insurance companies. If it was truly recorded, that tape should go into the Corporate Illogic Hall of Fame:

CALLER: Hello, Mr. Markowitz?

ME: Yes?

CALLER: Mr. Michael Markowitz?

ME: Yes?

CALLER: This is ________ from ___________. This call may be recorded for quality assurance purposes. May I have your _____________ for identification?

ME: No, I'm sorry.

CALLER: Uh... what?

ME: I don't give out identifying information to just anyone who calls. You can understand that.

CALLER: But we need it for identification purposes.

ME: Why? You called me.

CALLER: We need to identify that you're Mr. Markowitz.

ME: And not someone sitting in his house, just waiting for a random phone call? Seems an unlikely scam. Why don't you email me whatev--

CALLER: Sir--

ME: What?

CALLER: Sir, we need, for ID purposes--

ME: I'm sorry, regardless of what "you need" you're calling from a blocked number, asking for personal information. I'm going to have to hang up.

CALLER: Sir--

ME: Besides, ________ has never called me before. They've always emailed me.

CALLER: I don't believe we ever email people.

ME: Oh, okay. Thanks. Bye.