Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Nuclear Winter Big Brother

I say "nuclear" because if there were a nuclear apocalypse and these people were the future of the human race, my money's on the cockroaches. Still, it's
Big Brother so I am all in.

A few salient points:

This being "winter"
Big Brother, Julie Chen is wearing an extra layer of glitter.

"Muscle is heavy" squeals paralegal Amanda... who is apparently very muscular. Alex thinks she has "the sickest body." Apparently the sickness is Type 2 Diabetes.

"Sideshow Parker" got totally screwed, since he has zero chance of scoring with his already-spoken-for soulmate, Jen. I'd feel bad for him if he weren't a paparazzo, and therefore human filth deserving of ass cancer. Meanwhile, Jen's true love, Ryan, is a genuine lummox.

Sheila really got screwed. She got paired with Adam, who has a lot of attitude considering he looks like Corky from
Life Goes On... if Corky went face-first through a windshield.

Memo to Chelsia: If someone describes you as "the girl with the eye shadow" it's probably time to tone it down.

Matt reminds me why people hate Boston. I knew it wasn't just the Red Sox.

And Sharon's cheatin' ex, Jacob? A genuine 100% imbecile. Watching him reason out which one of them should lift the other for the competition was like watching a gibbon do calculus. In fairness to him, however, Sharon shouldn't be so mean to him. Didn't Sharon notice he was an imbecile during the eleven years
before he cheated? Or did he suddenly become stupid that day?

But my favorite is James, who has made at least two unfortunate life choices: his homelessness and, worse, his hair. James is interrupting a round-the-world bicycle trip to be on
Big Brother. And to wait for them to invent a bicycle that can cross the Pacific Ocean.

But did I mention I'm all in?


Anonymous said...

I see you've selected James as your favourite despite his homelessness and his hair... no mention of his career in gay porn?


Michael Markowitz said...

I thought it was obvious when I said "my favorite is James" that I was saying he was a giant goofball idiot. Ferchrissake, the guy set out to bike around the world, and just keeps making right turns every time he hits water. I hate all of them, except maybe Alison.