Wednesday, April 30, 2008

When Good Ads Go Bad

There are some great Cadillac commercials.  You know the ones I mean: the ones with Kate Walsh.  They are the sexiest, most arresting ads on the air.  They get the message across, and I never FF through them.

These ads are incredible.  Used to be, when I thought Cadillac, I thought either NBA or Del Boca Vista.  After these ads, all my dreams involved Cadillacs, Kate Walsh, and variations on the phrase "rack and pinion". 

But then Cadillac went all weird on me. Look at this ad:

How is it possible to take the
muy caliente Sofia Vergara and make an ad as irritating as this one? First of all, it's a straw man: I don't believe that statistic one bit. Second of all, it undercuts Sofia's argument -- that women have more substantial concerns than cupholders -- when she extols the plaid leather trim. I think cupholders are a much bigger consideration than plaid leather trim, but what do I know?

Speaking of trim, if you are going to film Sofia Vergara and put her on my TV at every break, you had damn well better get that goddamn steering wheel out of the way.  I have a tremendous interest in, er, "cupholders" and in this commercial I cannot see them.  

Still, I was willing to give Cadillac the benefit of the doubt.  After all, any company that shares my love of Kate Walsh and Sofia Vergara gets the okus dokus from me.

But then they went and commenced me to head-scratchin':

I apologize to this actor, but I have no idea who he is.  I only know that I find his eyebrows disturbing, and his lust for hot windshield wiper fluid downright scary.  I also know that the last thing I want to imagine is him going to the bathroom in a car.  I mean, really?  Seriously?  This is the "takeaway" Cadillac intended?  That the car is nice enough to shit in??

There's even a sequel to this commercial, wherein Johnny Eyebrows quotes Martin Mull -- without crediting Martin Mull -- by saying life is like high school with money.   (From looking at him, I'm thinking life is like high school with a Dirty Sanchez on your forehead.)  With one smear cocked, he wonders "what the cool kids are talking about."  I can guarantee you, what makes the cool kids cool is that they don't talk about shitting in their cars.

Cadillac, I demand more Kate and Sofia, and less of this Man of Magnesia.  

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