When Hillary Clinton boasted last week that undereducated white people usually support her, I was sure we were being Punk'd. Here was a major political figure, actually bragging that the stupider you are, the more likely you are to believe what she says. But by gum, she was serious. She says her message resonates best with the stupid.
And yes, I know that "undereducated" doesn't automatically mean "stupid." However, as Americans we've always believed that if you work hard you'll get ahead. If you're hardworking and you are still poor? By conventional logic you must be either bad at what you do, or too stupid to do something else. Hey, don't blame me, blame Oprah: she's the one who says you can be whatever you want. (I want to be married to Jennifer Aniston and talk her into a three-way with Mary McCormack... little help, O?)
Anyway, in a historic display of solidarity, the uneducated, unsuccessful part of West Virginia put down its corn cob pipes and slid out from under cars on blocks on lawns, and went to the polls and said, "Yes! I'm stupid! I will gladly vote for someone who looks down her nose at me!" They also pooled their meager savings and gave to the Clinton campaign, a campaign with no chance of success and a $20 million debt. A campaign that owes ten million dollars to the Clintons themselves. Which the Clintons will recoup with book deals the second the campaIgn is over.
Now we look to Kentucky where, according to Hillary Clinton, a boy sold his bicycle and video games to contribute to the campaign, so that Bill and Hillary could continue to fly on separate private jets. He sold his most prized possessions to donate to a woman who is calculating her exit strategy, and negotiating to get her money back. You, young Kentucky man, are an imbecile. You, young Kentucky man, are a Clinton supporter.
As for why there are pictures of Jennifer Garner on this post... well, God knows I didn't want to run pictures of Hillary, so I thought I'd show a famous former West Virginian instead. It came down to Jennifer Garner, Soupy Sales, or Lou Holtz. I believe I chose wisely.